I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
