just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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