He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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