she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
