My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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