I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize