I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
