Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
