Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
