found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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