Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
