No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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