every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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