I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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