I wish I only lived at night.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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