someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
