I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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