That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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