Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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