I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
