The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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