I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I look better un-naked...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
