omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
