An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize