This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
