watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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