I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
