well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
