try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
