I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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