So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
