So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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