If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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