im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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