Cold hands, warm shart.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
