Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
