I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
