He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
