Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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