Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
