fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
