areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
