I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
