I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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