a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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