When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize