dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
