I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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