it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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