how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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