Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
