new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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