Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
