dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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