shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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