the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
