What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
