When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
