Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize