just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
