she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
