I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize