my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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