he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
