my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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