if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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