is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
