What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
