remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
