If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i now understand why vodka
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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